Modern relationships have evolved far beyond what was once considered traditional. Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Maybe it has never really been this way, but since good old Henry set the trend for divorce, it seems marriage and relationships in general, are never forever.
As a biologist, it makes perfect sense to me that man and woman should desire more than just one partner with which to procreate. There is a much better chance of ensuring the longevity of your genetic footprint if you mix it up a little. Yet we (mostly) chose to settle with just one partner and it’s socially unacceptable to have more than one partner, or to cheat. But we all know it happens... a lot ! Guys cheat on their girlfriends; husbands and wives have extramarital affairs; women frequently and knowingly enter into relationships with married men.
When discovered, infidelity causes great emotional fallout, but why are we always so surprised when we know it happens so often. If you weren’t getting everything you hoped for from a relationship, would you be able to resist the temptation of a more desirable prospect. Would it mean you loved your partner any less if you sought temporary physical relief ? No probably not. But does that justify the act. Would you expect to be forgiven ?
Most women, and probably men, can usually sense when their partner is up to no good. And when the matter is considered rationally, many would say they would forgive their partner. Yet there is still apparently an urge to, I don’t know, attack your husband with a golf club, when you find out. So it’s not ok, it’s not acceptable to cheat on your partner. But compared with the prospect of losing the partner you love and going it alone, it’s easy to see why many people forgive.
In Elin’s (wife of Tiger Woods) case, the multimillion dollar mansions, extensive staff and leisurely lifestyle will probably ease the pain, but even without all that, she’d probably still forgive him. For better, for worse right ?
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By Nic - V amusing written - and quite thought provoking! I do not think that cheating is the worst thing a man can do. Soem women view things differently. Physical abuse would be much worse as far as I am concerned. What about if the man has a much higher sex drive than the woman or vice versa? Surely extra marital sex would then be a good option for both parties? I also think that condom use makes a massdive difference - if someone put my life at risk or got someone else pregnant that would be totally unforgiveable but a one off, protected physical act? I would not end a marriage or split up my family for that! I would also not feel giulty if I cheated once as long as I knew my man would not find out. If he found out then that would be a different story - if it upset him I would feel bad. Some men are very easygoing and some men only want to be f*** buddies anyway in which case it is not cheating as it was never a proper relationship anyway! Nic x x
ReplyDeleteI agree it is the discovery of the infidelity, not the infidelity itself, that causes the problems. I would feel guilty if I was unfaithful whilst in a stable relationship - why would I need anyone else? A loving, caring friendship is the best thing anyone can have so why jeopardise it? If my partner cheated on me that would be down to her conscience and if I found out then I would try to discover what I was doing wrong! Would I forgive her - probably, if we were honest with each other and it was purely a physical thing. If I didn't find out then it's a case of 'what the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over'! I agree with Nic that physical abuse is totally unacceptable and that if the partner's sex drives are unequal then, maybe, one or both may need to seek solace elsewhere, in fact I know a couple who did just that and are still happily married after 35 years. Does this count as infidelity - probably - but no-one got hurt and they are both very happy together so maybe it is forgiveable. In TW's case he has the money and charisma and so the opportunities would have presented themselves - he obviously was not strong enough to resist them and now look what's happened - his carefully nurtured reputation is in tatters! MC
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